The Mystery Easter Guest

So, I know that Easter was a month ago, but life keeps happening, and I meant to post about this, but I haven’t – so here it is.

There was a mystery person at Easter that I didn’t know. I didn’t realize she was there until I looked at the pictures. In each and EVERY picture where I was supposed to be standing, was a HUGE BEHEMOTH of a woman. WHO THE EFF (this is me working on my profanity) IS THAT????? Oh wait, it’s me. *sigh* how and when did this happen? How did I get so big? When? Look at my face! Look at my ARMS, they look like THIGHS!!! OMG, I am unrecognizable. What did I do? And then a huge FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK THAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!! So, I bit the bullet. Yes, ladies and gents, I weighed myself. I almost passed out. I literally screamed, and hubs came running in, thinking there was a tarantula in the bathroom. But no, just me. Me and whoever the fuck this thing is sitting on my shoulders that makes my weight read a whopping 294 lbs. WTF??!!I’m done. I have NEVER weighed this much in my LIFE. Even 9 months pregnant I didn’t weigh this much. It has to change, now. So it is.

Here is something you don’t know about me, that I do – I have a tendency to go full throttle. Usually, that’s a good thing. In major permanent life changes, however, not so much. I’m going to change it all. Everything I eat, and drink, and my activity level. In order for me to not have a FUCK THIS moment in this process, and revert back to unhealthy habits, I’m going to do it one thing at a time. I’ve been researching different diets, different methods of eating, trying to find a permanent change that I can live with, that also won’t involve cooking separate things for me and everyone else every meal. Because that would, well, suck.

I am going to document it. Much like I document the Olivia stuff, I’m going to ride this out with you all along for the ride. One, it will make me laugh and some of the for sure funny things that are going to happen along the way. Two, it will keep me honest and accountable.

So, here we go, on to blog-venture number two – the lifestyle change. I’ve chosen step one to be water intake. I don’t drink water. Like ever. I drink shit tons of coffee, and Dr. Pepper, and Coke, and all manner of juices and sweet teas – but no water. According to all the calculations, I should be drinking 94 oz. Holy crap, that’s a lot of water, that’s a lot of liquid period.

Alright. Here we go.

At some point, I’ll need to choose a goal weight and body fat % goal. I don’t know what that is, or what it looks like for me at this point. All I know is that the mirror has been lying to my ass, and the pictures don’t. I look like a heart-attack. I look like diabetes. It changes today. RTFN. (I told you, I’m working on my profanity, google rtfn if you need to, it doesn’t count if I spell it or abbreviate, only if I say the whole word out loud – baby steps people!)

Mission healthy, active, long life is in full effect!




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